we're still working on that with the insiders...trying to accept, but first we need to accept us. last night i thought to myself, i dont even care if i never get another memory back, but it seems now the more i focus less on filling in the blanks, the more the pieces are coming together. and im slowly, sadly but graciously accepting these things as part of me my past and my life. im learning who i am by discovering what experiences i lived through that shaped me....that shaped us....all these parts of me, they are not some crazy wild spectacle for people to take advantage of (we've got at least 8 people up in here damnit! we sure don't miss a thing and can spot a dog gone liar a mile away!! sniff sniff, grrr) anyways, i feel like the doors are opening and its a little bit of all emotions jumbled together, just trying to make sense of where we are in the present moment, and how to continue to thrive with what we have. to do that requires gratitude, kindness, honesty, and most of all acceptance. i accept you all, i accept me, im ready to begin the real work to heal because beating around the bush by focusing on diagnosis' labels, stigmas, and anxiety over trying to hide all of my different parts, its stopping. to think that people "just know" on the street when they see me is partly delusional on my behalf. it's like how you cant tell a schizophrenic or a bipolar person or anyone with mental illness on the street.
we dont have a big sticker on our head that says "HEY! IM A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE!" (even though i know we're not, this is really what it truly feels like to me, and I appreciate so much all the professonals who have shown so much respect and dignity to me and to my insiders. I can feel us all growing a little stronger on the inside. Clarity is quite becoming in my humble opinion :)
