I really dont know what to do. I'm feeling scared. These body memories are too much and i feel like im being swallowed whole. i woke up so late today (which has been happening a lot lately) but id forgotten i was up really early in the morning crying and holding my stuffed rabbit and tossing back and forth. im pretty sure it was Janie i was co conscious with. i could feel everything she was feeling. i couldnt see clearly but i could feel physical pain, emotional torment, and such shame that i just wished so bad i could have broken free to protect her. im trying to really hold myself together. i keep getting these feelings of such ANGER and then sadness, pure grief.

Scattered Parts

Broken hearts, divided parts, they all live inside of me.

How many times can they divide my mind?

Broken hearts with divided parts scattered throughout my mind.

How many times can they wipe me out before I come back no more?

Can they instill a will in me that is not mine?

They broke my heart too many times and divided all the parts, then scattered them through time. Some are good and some are evil.

How many times can they split my mind?

The lights, needles and pain went on much longer than we can explain.

Did these things happen, or is it what they wanted me to believe?

Does God exist or is it what I want to believe?

Does the store house exist where the computer is?

Are there computers in me that help split me?

Scattered parts, broken hearts, where do I exist?

Is there a castle built inside? If so, what person am I?

Lights, needles, and pain goes on today, or is it lies that are made up in a mind split far too many times.

Broken hearts, divided minds, scattered throughout time.

I don’t want to mislead you.

Did the experiments work?

And they split me too many times?

Lights, needles, and pain.

They can wipe me out if I try to explain. Butterflies, butterflies, lots and lots of them. I lay down at nights with them.

I wrap up in a blanket made of them. I hear their hum as they lead me to the lights, needles and pain. The needles and pain make it so I can not think.

I get so sleepy, but I can not sleep.

The pain races through my mind and splits it one more time.

I have forgotten more than most will ever know.

The computer will show how many times they can split the mind, break the heart; divided minds scattered throughout time.

How many times before I can come back no more?